At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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