I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
