i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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