Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
