all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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