just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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