he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Holy shit dude........stairs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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