i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
