she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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