sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
