you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize