are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
