she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
