My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
