Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
