I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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