I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
