I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
