Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
