When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Are my feet made of real feet?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
