I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
then he tried to convert me to islam
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
