You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
