Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
