Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
