Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
