dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
