i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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