he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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