You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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