how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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