Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
