nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
