the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
