Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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