Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
