my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
