my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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