and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
