Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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