I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
