He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
