I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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