That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize