Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
