Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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