you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
