So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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