Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
