so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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