just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
