Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
