guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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