i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
