Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
