you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
