wakey wakey hands off snakey
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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