i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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