There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How does it feel to date your dad?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
