I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize