I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
