im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just invented taco cereal.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
