Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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