Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
