Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize