He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize