I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
