Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
