why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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