i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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