WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
