i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
