My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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