He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize