Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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