Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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