i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
