Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize