if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
