Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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