I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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