Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
