The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
