At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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