I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
