He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
