just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize