I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your penis caused this!
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