Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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