just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
