I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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