We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize