Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
