you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
