People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
