As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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