..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
