So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
