You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
