Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
