i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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