he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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