i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
