I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
