I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
