I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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