Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
