...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize